I've Moved...!

Dearest friends and family members who have so faithfully read my posts and so patiently endured my long periods of silence (sorry), I've moved here!  I hope you'll follow me there and soon, you'll see all the changes in store! :)

The Mental Snapshot of a Lifetime...

The snapshot I'm sharing with you is not something you can see.  It's something I can see in my mind's eye.  I suppose once my photographer sends me the images from my reception, you will be able to see... but even then, what you'd see would not, could not compare to what I see in my memory.  Let me paint for you one of the dearest, fondest memories I have from our wedding day:

The night was winding down.  I had danced myself silly, hardly eating or drinking anything, because in typical Amanda fashion, I didn't want to miss a thing.  I had done "The Hustle."  I had done "The Cupid Shuffle."  I had twisted and shouted.  I had shimmied while wearing oversized sunglasses as my husband wore a cowboy hat and even bigger glasses.  And now... it was time for our last dance.

We chose "Animal," a favorite of ours that I wanted to be "our song," except his friend already claimed it as "their song."  Weird.  Anyway, we danced gleefully, as all our dearest friends and family members gathered spontaneously around us, creating a giant circle.  We spun and laughed and sung and danced, as all around us, our friends laughed and sang.  I remember the feeling of pure bliss, the moments just before we said goodbye to our parents and left for our hotel.

It is forever etched in my memory-- a snapshot that will last for a lifetime, even if fire destroys the actual pictures.

While I'm at it, I'll give you a few more mental snapshots:
1.  Waking up to Bestie's soft harp alarm on my wedding day.  And then getting ready with good music, laughter, and hairspray-- nervous excitement.
2.  Feeling so beautiful as I slipped on my wedding dress, with my hair and makeup all done.
3.  Seeing TBH (HTB at the time) for the first time.  I hugged him from behind and choked out, "You can turn around now."  And then I promptly started crying.  The day had finally come, and I was overwhelmed.
4.  Eating a Starbucks birthday cake pop in the car on the way to the church after pictures, with my girls in the pickup truck with me.  My best friends were all in the same car. :)
5.  Standing at the doorway of the sanctuary with Dad, and hearing the beautiful harp music that began "Pas de Deux."  We walked slowly, and I let the memory sink in.  It was dark, save for the warm candlelight.  I saw no one but TBH at the end of the aisle.  My big smile wobbled as emotion took over, all the way down.  And the entire time, Dad tried to calm my nerves by telling me a story of when I was in tumbling as a little girl and I showed my instructor a nice booger.  He told me not to show a booger to the pastor.  I felt confused at that point.  Hahahahaha.
6.  TBH and I read our vows to each other.  Neither had dry eyes.  We meant those words and said them before God and promised them to each other.  It was intense.
7.  I remember the relief of walking back up that aisle, even though we had to do it twice for the photographer.  A weight had been lifted.

So there you go... before the actual snapshots show up on this site, there are a few from my memory, that I'll always cherish.

Over My Head...

Well, I may or may not have gotten in over my head when I said I'd post a picture a day.  Do I want to?  Yes.  Is it possible?  Not really.  Maybe if I was 37 and had been married ten years and knew how to balance caring for my husband AND daily blogging... but I'm not there yet.  In fact, this is, as TBH called it, "adjustment week."  We are figuring out how to live together, serve each other, and love each other, all while balancing jobs, bills, and housework.  I know, I know, you're thinking, OK, big deal-- like EVERY OTHER COUPLE EVER TO EXIST.  And you'd be right-- there's nothing special about our "adjustment week."  But it is all new to us.

So I will update my blog when I have time, which hopefully will be more than once a week.

And when I have even MORE time, big changes will happen on this blog, you'll see...

Heirlooms...

Today I had to throw away my bouquet.  It was a sad moment.  This is all that remains: some lace from my mom's wedding dress and some pretty pins.

And it got me thinking... what heirloom will my daughter carry with her on her wedding day?  Will she want to wear my dress with its handy hidden pockets?  Will she want to shorten my veil to chapel length?  Will she carry the hankie my mom embroidered?  Will she take the embellishment from my dress and design her own (with her mother's designer genes)?

It's kind of fun to think about.  I wonder what the wedding styles will be in thirty or so years.  I wonder how outdated my pictures will be, or if they will be timeless, like Jackie Kennedy (yeah right).

Brides-to-be, do you plan on using/wearing an heirlooms?  Mothers, what have you/do you hope to give your daughter to wear on her wedding day, as a little piece of yourself?

Catching Up With the Newlyweds...

I didn't have much time to blog in the last week and a half, but here we go: one picture from the last 14 days!

 Merely one picture from the bachelorette party.  Keep in mind, I consumed no alcohol... I was only doing what I was told.  Hahaha.

 Prettying it up the day before the wedding!

 Good morning... I'm a bride! :)

 This is what I got to wake up to. :)  My husband. :)  Now to be called: "The Big H" or maybe "TBH."

 We went to the 9/11 memorial.  There aren't many more words I can actually use to describe it.

 The honeymooners with Lady Liberty.

 Having lunch, New York Style.

 Our last night in the city led us to a nice Italian place for dinner.

 And the couple goes home.

 My beautiful bouquet, still in bloom one week later!

 Oh, the humanity!!!!!!  TBH moves in!!!!

 And I organize.  I've never seen anyone with a DVD collection like ours.  The ottoman is blocking the bottom 1/4.

 This is my guilt-less guilty pleasure snack.  This has no bearing to the actual day.  It's just a new vice.

Finally: today.  This is the first meal I made for The Big H, as his wife.  Homemade chili and cornbread... mm-mm good!

Break Time...

Well, it's break time!  By that, I mean wedding stuff has gotten so crazy that I can't keep up with pictures.  So, I'll take a picture every day, and catch you up later!  Ta-ta for now, until I'm a married woman! :)

Moving On...

Today I helped HTB pack up some of the stuff in his room that somehow hasn't made the transition from teenage cave to man land, but that's what our house is for.  :)  He was asking me what movies I had so that we wouldn't double up our collection.  Can I just say, we're going to have a fantastic movie collection.  Quite a variety of the best films of all time, including but not limited to Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the Scream collection.  Haha.

Oh, and now I'll own a Darth Vader helmet and "Psych" bobbleheads.

I'm marrying an awesome guy.  Just saying.

Looking into the Future...

Today was my cleaning day.  That means what was once a dizzying array of wedding presents, wedding paraphernalia, and garbage, is now a lovely (though kind of hodge-podge), clean apartment, ready for two.  Today, when I took a picture of the kitchen, I thought about how my long-time single life will change drastically in just five days-- the place where I'd heat up my Lean Cuisines would now be the place I lovingly prepare man meals.

It was a happy thought. :)

Fluffing My Nest...

With less than a week to go, I'm really feeling the pressure to make this place as man-friendly and de-girlified as possible, while still maintaining a Pottery Barn/pinterest/anthropologie chic.  Impossible you say?  HAH, I say.  I'll find a way, just you wait and see.  Here's a teaser: my future spice rack.  Haha.

More to come, when it's all said and done!

One Week to Go...

(HTB photobombing my picture)

Today HTB and I had our last pre-marital counseling with our pastor.  We've really enjoyed his wit and wisdom... but this was our last session, the one we'd been hearing embarrassing things about, and well, we were a little nervous about what he would say (he's famous for his steamy Song of Solomon sermon series)... and let's just say I feared I would blush through the whole thing.

It wasn't half as bad as we were fearing.  It was comfortable and encouraging, and so, hopefully this won't make you uncomfortable, but it's something I want to share.

See, HTB and I both have kept ourselves only for each other, and only for marriage.  So for us, we are so thankful to go into this marriage without shame or regret, excited to experience something that God intended as glorifying to Himself, within the confines of marriage.

All you singles out there-- hold out!  Don't give in!  It will be worth it, because it's as God intended.

See You Later...

Tonight we said "see you later" to youth group.  It's not goodbye, because we're coming back after the summer, but even so, "see you later" was a little tough.  We're taking a break from the youth group to get the hang of marriage.

Youth group has meant so much to us.  HTB has been a part of it since he was a student, almost ten years ago.  He started coming and never left.  I joined staff before I even moved to Florida, going to summer camp, knowing only Bestie.  And then I never left.  It became such a part of my life.  As HTB put it today, "Wednesday has always been youth group day."

Tonight they did a humorous little interview with us, then asked for advice from us.  HTB told them not to take the youth group for granted, and to keep God first in their lives and not let things distract them from Him.  I told them to trust God with their whole hearts and lean not on their own understanding; to acknowledge Him in all their ways, and He will direct their paths.  I may or may not have used God's words, not mine. :)

And then they gathered around us and laid hands on us and prayed.  It was so bittersweet, and we are so blessed to have been a part of such a wonderful, God-blessed ministry for so long.

And then one student prayed that we "be fruitful and multiply."  Exhibit A of why I love that ministry so much.

We'll miss it, but we'll still be praying for it on Wednesday nights.  Because Wednesday night is youth group night. :)

Calm Amidst the Storm...

I tried working hard at wedding stuff tonight... I really tried.  I got a few things done, but nothing near what I was hoping.  A mean old headache came to visit and wouldn't leave, no matter how many times I asked or how many times I tried to KILL it.

So... I threw in the towel.  I turned on the heat, got into my jammies, grabbed a bowl of Krave, my new favorite guilt-free cereal/dessert, turned on the Netflix (any guesses as to what I'm watching?), and got my pinterest on.

This is my calm amidst the storm.  Thanks God, for this headache that forced me to slow down a little, since I didn't get the message with a cold. :)

T-Minus 10 Days and Counting...

Tonight I sat on the floor, bundled up in a cozy sweater, working for hours on wedding stuff.  The wind howled outside the windows, and my knees ached from long-term sitting Indian-style.  In between scratching off things on my to-do list, I'd take a swig of cough medicine and/or blow my nose.  Ugh.  All I can say is, thank God this all should be over before the wedding.  Can it please be January 12 now?

Now my only other fear (besides HTB showing up in a mustache) is rain... prayers, please! :)

New Year, New Idea...

Happy New Year, all!  With this new year comes countless new changes for me, so what better time than now to document the year with a picture a day?  And so, thus begins the year of pictures, with today's gem:

This is HTB lovingly and expertly installing shelves in my bathroom to make it two-person friendly. :)

Oh the changes to come...!

And to All a Good Night...

Images of the season... enjoy.

 Snow, courtesy of picnik.com :)

Thanks be to God for the gift of our Savior.

Oh, and thanks be to God for the gift of HTB, too. :)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

All is Well...

"All is well."
That's the name of the song that pierced my soul last week. 

Let me give you some background: I have never been so harried, so frazzled, so klutzy, and so spazzy as I have in the last couple of weeks.  I have become Lucille Ball.  My life would actually make for a hilarious sitcom right now, if it wasn't in fact my life.

I keep dropping things.  Dropping things and breaking things.  So much so that HTB has taken to carrying fragile items for me and has become a Krazy Glue expert.

Want some examples?  Take yesterday, for instance.

I got up really early and packed for Chicago.  Then I spent a half hour looking for some paperwork for my new camera that I found out later I had actually packed already.  Then I opened my suitcase and smelled my mistake immediately.  Sure enough, red nail polish had leaked in one of my bags, covering and destroying my nerd glasses and random pieces of jewelry.  Then, I went to move my other suitcase (full of Christmas gifts), forgetting it was open, and all its contents were dumped on the floor.  "DON'T LOOK, DON'T LOOK," I shouted frantically as I picked up the gifts and put them back inside.  As I went to sit down and take a load off after a day like that, I put on my slippers... only to find out I had packed two right feet (I have two of the same pairs). 

So now I sit down to this laptop, the one I spilled water on last week and now have to use a mouse instead of the track pad, and I type about how "all is well."

It really is, you know.  Sure, all of the above makes me a bit like a frenzied Lucy, and sure, I am stressed like I've never been stressed.  Yes, my house is a crazy mess of gifts and no place to put them, and of course I have to somehow make room in my house for another person and make it a livable environment.  Yep, I'm getting married in 24 (!) days and still have a to-do list, and yes, Bestie and her husband just moved 2.5 hours away.

But, all is well.  This struck me last week at our church's Christmas cantata.  Bestie was playing beautifully on the piano; I realized this would be the last time I'd hear her play at church for who-knows-how-long.  I began to cry.  But then as the choir sang "All is Well," I listened to the words:

All is well, all is well;
Angels and men rejoice.
For tonight darkness fell
Into the dawn of love's light.
...

All is well, all is well;
Let there be peace on earth.
Christ is come, go and tell
That He is in the manger
...

All is well, all is well;
Lift up your voices and sing.
Born is now Emmanuel
Born is our Lord and Savior.
...

Sing Alleluia
All is well

How can all not be well, when Christ is come and there is a way to have a relationship with God?  Christ was born to die.  He was born to die for me, as the sacrifice for my sins.  No striving for "good works" to save me; no uncertainty if I've been "good enough."  He alone is sufficient as the atonement for my sins.  And because I trust in Him for that salvation, I can truly say, "all is well."

So my friends, is all well for you?  Or do you yet need to put your full faith in the One who was born to die for you?

Either the Edge of Glory or the Edge of a Cliff...

Somewhere between rolls of twine and a freezer of leftover ziti, I lost my cool.  Tension had been building for a while; my to-do list was growing when it should be shrinking; my day was too full to get anything done; daily life was encroaching on my bridal dreams.

And then yesterday.  HTB walked with me to visit Bestie and Bestie Jr.'s mom, who had embroidered some weddings gifts so beautifully.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Amanda," she said, "but these scarves are filthy."  Imagine the horror on my face as I see a scarf that had been so neatly tucked into its store packaging, clean and tidy, now strewn with dots of mysterious dried matter and dirt smears.  All of that had been so cleverly hidden by said store packaging.  I felt ill.  I had bought those in Chicago.  In June.  And here I am, 38 days before the wedding (but who's counting?), with filthy shawls for my bridesmaids.

I held it together.  Walking back home, HTB (who likes to straddle the line between trying to be helpful and trying to make me laugh) was about to make a suggestion.

"Just don't even say it if it's not helpful," I said, casting a warning glance in his direction. 

"I actually think this is kind of a good idea," he said. 

"OK...?"

"What if you just tye-dye them?  Then no one could tell!" 

"Really?  REALLY?!  Tye-Dye.  What are we, hippies?!"

Despite HTB's fantastic advice, I managed to deal with the situation.  And then I saw one of the monograms.  I had given Bestie's mom the WRONG initals for one of my bridesmaids.  Well, it was the right initials, but in the wrong order.  Her shawl now reads "KJV," like she's a Bible or something.  Sorry buddy... I suck.

But HTB now wants to forever refer to her as "King James."

I believe after that, I kind of fell in to HTB's arms and muttered things like "Just want to go to heaven," and "Don't even want to be alive anymore," and "Can't handle it."  A little dramatic?  Perhaps.  But slightly accurate?  Maybe.

And then today, let's just say that after a rude line-cutter at the post office a stupid USPS employee, frozen containers of baked ziti falling out of the freezer and busting, and dozens of gnats being born in my drain, it was even more accurate.

But thankfully, we're still reading through the Psalms backwards and last night read Psalm 39.  I couldn't even get through the Psalm for my tears.  HTB picked up where I left off and read about how our lives are but vapors; we must number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Life is short.  In the grand scheme of things, what does a shawl matter?  Or a jerk at the Post Office?  They don't.  The only thing that really matters is if I'm glorifying God through each situation.

So... now I'm either on the edge of glory or the edge of a cliff, but either way, I'm going to try my darndest, with God's help, to employ fewer tears and more joy.

Thanks Be...

Every year at Thanksgiving, I wonder, for those who don't have a personal relationship with Christ, to whom/what do they give thanks?

And this year I wonder the same.  I don't think anyone anywhere would say they aren't thankful for something.  Thus, the question is begged... can you be truly thankful if there is no recipient for your thanksgiving?  They might be thankful for family, friends, food, shelter, bacon... but it loses their meaning if their thanks simply goes out into the great unknown; spoken words that die the moment they leave their mouths.

For me, when I give thanks both now and throughout the year, my thanksgiving is directed to the Giver of all gifts-- my God and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Without Him, life (including whatever thanks I might give) has no meaning.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I sit on my parents' couch in my pajamas (still), post-parade, watching Miracle on 34th Street.  I'm browsing online for some Christmas shopping, and I'm counting my blessings.

Thanks be to the Lord.

And now it's time for a picture post!  Enjoy some photos from two of my bridal showers here in Chicago! :)

My cousins and me, minus Carolyn and Emily.

I received so many lovely handmade gifts-- like this afghan (Grandma) and cross-stich (Aunt Marge)

We <3 each other :)

Look at my fun shower surprise: one of my bridesmaids and best friends came in from Texas!!!

And yes, we went to a graveyard.  Whatev.

 

 A lovely montage by Kelly Johnson at Duna Photography!

 Looks like I'm laughing at my own private joke.  HAHAHA

 Mom made us a Chevron quilt!

 

 The flower girl and me, with the bow bouquet!

 

 HTB, whispering something sarcastic, to be sure. (photo by Kelly Johnson)

 

 My reaction... HAHAHA (photo by Kelly Johnson)

 YAY, we're getting married! :) (photo by Kelly Johnson)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

Anticipation...

ANTICIPATION: how I both love and hate this concept.

I love anticipation because of that feeling I get on Christmas Eve.  You know those little exciting flutters in your belly that let you know that something really special/fun/happy is coming?  I think I still love Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day for that very reason.  Each year I stand in my parents' foyer, the multicolored twinkle lights on the towering tree behind me, Bing or Nat crooning around me, and I pull back the lace curtains.  I peek out at the snow (hopefully) falling softly and my brother faithfully lighting the lumenaria in the little paper bags down our driveway.  I smile and feel a sense of warm anticipation about the special day that will come in the morning. 

When I was a small child, my parents couldn't even tell me when exactly Christmas was because I'd keep myself awake every night with that same anticipation.

Call me weird (it's OK, go ahead-- I know you do anyway), but I even get that feeling about walking into bookstores or libraries.  I anticipate all the new information I'll find and the worlds that will be opened up to me, and oh, do those butterflies abound!

But then, I hate anticipation.  I went to my first "Howl-O-Scream" at Busch Gardens with HTB on our one-year dating anniversary (because nothing's more romantic than being chased by zombies through haunted houses, right?).  I wasn't actually scared in any of those haunted houses, no matter how grotesque or gruesome they were.  Sure I screamed when they jumped out at me, because who doesn't scream when that happens?  But what gave me sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach was the anticipation of the unknown.  What would they do to me?  What would it be like?  When will they pop out at me?  Will I actually die in this haunted house?  What if HTB makes me go first?  I hated that anticipation.  It ate at me as we waited in line for the first house, and a creepy "vampire" tried to chit chat with me about the scarf around my neck.  I nervously played along, but really I just wanted to not anticipate the unknown anymore.  Turns out it was all fun, but I didn't know it would be.

This is also why, when playing hide-and-go-seek as a child, I'd walk into a dark room and shout, "Don't jump out at me!" because I hated the anticipation of the unknown-- just knowing I was going to be scared, but not knowing when or how or by whom.

And if one event has ever given me more reason to both love and hate anticipation, it's this engagement time.  I just love anticipating all the fun stuff.  I get that Christmas Eve feeling about my wedding showers, and setting up my little apartment as our tiny "love nest," and thinking about the fun of the actual wedding day itself.  I have those giddy butterflies thinking about being married and being a wife to HTB, and making a life together.  Having children and living our days out together are all things that give me those warm fuzzy anticipatory feelings...

Until I start to anticipate the unknown: the fights, the hard times, the hard work it will take to stay best friends for the rest of our lives, the unknown challenges, the physical ailments, the things that could go wrong on our wedding day, financial worries...

This anticipation thing is so weird.  How can I both love and hate the feeling?  I guess the anticipation I love is when I'm anticipating something familiar, something I know to be good from either personal experience or word-of-mouth.  And I suppose the anticipation I hate is when I'm anticipating something unknown-- something I either fear or have heard negative things about from others.  I guess what I'm getting at is that I need to remember familiar, good things I know will come with the wedding and marriage, and not sweat the unknown, because it's just that: unknown.  Who's to say my experiences will be anything like those around me?  And knowing my God, I do know for sure that it will be good, because God created marriage, and marriage itself is good.

Now in the meantime, I do need to guard myself against a common mistake I made as a child.  I let the anticipation of Christmas Eve grow to such an extent that when Christmas came and went, I was left with the day-after-Christmas-blues.  After such great anticipation, there is nothing left to anticipate and therefore an emptiness where those fun butterflies used to be.  I don't want the let-down of December 26th (for those of us who don't celebrate Boxing Day) on January 13th... or any other day thereafter.  I hope I always anticipate the rest of my life with the best kind of anticipation, and that every new year brings the butterflies that indicate something very special/fun/happy is coming.  Though it may be unknown, it will be good.  Why?  Because I have God's Word on that, and I have HTB by my side.

Playing Dress-Up...

Here's one clue I've met my match: we both really enjoy an excuse to be someone else for a little bit.  Sometimes we get that privilege at a youth group theme night.  Other times, it's Halloween.

So yesterday night we met up with the group (now a quadruple date, really) at the Applebee's.  Mike was Dean Winchester (if you haven't seen "Supernatural," you really should.), and I was some kind of 80s jazzerciser, which morphed into being Olivia Newton-John.

The best was when HTB's mom watched me apply blue eyeshadow and tease my side pony and gingerly and tactfully asked, "Do you have plans tonight?"  "No," I replied, "I just like to dress like this on Sunday nights."

And it was so fun.  Nevermind that the rest of the group (save the Libertarian and the "celebrity" attempts by the besties... not bad ladies, for last minute :) ) didn't join us in our Halloween extravagance.  So here's to a forever with my HTB-- and partner-in-let's-play-dress-up-for-Halloweeen crime. :)