The Claddagh Ring...

Let me explain a little Irish tradition: the Claddagh ring.

This ring, given by one who loves the wearer, has much meaning.  The little hands symbolize friendship, the crown is a symbol of loyalty, and the heart is a symbol of love.  Tradition holds that when the hand holds the heart pointing outward, towards others, the wearer's heart isn't taken.  When pointed inward, the wearer's heart is indeed spoken for. 

Just about everyone (including the men) on my mom's side of the family wears one of these rings.  I received mine on a snowy night in 1996: my 12th birthday.  My parents had taken me out to The House of Hughes for that special birthday, and gave me my Claddagh ring. 

For fourteen years I have worn that ring, the little hands holding the heart pointing towards the world, waiting (albeit guardedly) to give my heart away to one who would be worthy. 

Just a couple nights ago, I turned my ring around.  My heart is taken.  And, like my new ring position, it takes some getting used to.  It somehow feels both natural and foreign.  That little ring had molded to my finger and was comfortable where it had rested for so long, just as I had become comfortable in the singleness I'd lived for so long.  So now it fits strangely; the crown is bent upward just a bit, and it catches on my clothes.  I'm learning how to live with it, waiting for it to become just as comfortable as it had been, just as I am learning to live with this new relationship, waiting for it to become just as comfortable as my singleness had been.  Only, it's a much more enjoyable process than getting used to my ring's new position.

Funny.  Fourteen years ago, as I shoved the too-small gold ring onto my chubby right hand ring finger, I thought about the day I might turn it around.  Many times over the past fourteen years I've thought about the when and the where of turning that ring around, and especially the whom.  But never in those fourteen years did I anticipate the rich blessing, the great joy that would accompany such a seemingly insignificant event as turning a little gold ring around.  As I flipped the ring and slid it onto my now-slender right hand middle finger, I thought about all it meant and all it will mean... and maybe all that will occur in my life in the next fourteen years.

photo from flikr

Making a List of "Rights"...

I have found that while It's somewhat easy for me to write about my inmost struggles to all of face-less cyberspace (or really, the fifteen or so who may or may not read this blog), I am reluctant to write when someone else is involved (a.k.a. BF).  So while I've been itching to write, I haven't figured out how to strike a balance quite yet.  But I did think of something today, as I was fading in and out of sleep on my couch, between hacking coughing fits and feverish sweats (too much information?  Sorry).

I don't keep a record of wrongs, but I do keep a record of "rights."  And let me just say I've been enjoying a lot of "rights" recently.  I'm not used to someone taking care of me.  Yes, when I'm in Chicago, my parents are really good at that.  And Bestie, Bestie Jr., and their respective husbands take care of me as much as they can.  But having someone in my life who cares about the little things is completely new for me, and frankly, it's humbling.  It makes me feel not good enough, too selfish, and undeserving.  Here is a quick list of "rights" that BF, who claims to be as deep as a dinner dish but I say is like unpeeling the layers of an artichoke, has blessed me with recently: giving me a Snoopy get-well-soon card, cough drops, and vapo-rub (cute, right?); changing the oil in my car (not an easy task, let me tell you); taking me to a Bucs game (my first pro football game); a private golf lesson (and being really patient); actually wanting to spend time with me despite my weirdness; lots of free food; remembering that today is our one-month of dating. :)

So, in case you're wondering, I'm enjoying life right now.  It's still new and a little difficult to get used to, but it's good. :)

Also, it's Thanksgiving break, so YAY.  And there will be a bit more blogging due to the whole no work thing.

A Very Big "First"...

I have a confession to make.  Over the last few weeks, I have experienced many "firsts."  But I haven't blogged about any of them, as much as I wanted to, because nothing was official.  But now it is.  So here's my list of firsts:

First second date
First time I didn't run from a guy who showed interest
First DTR that ended with a smile
First boyfriend

What?! you shout, What is this about a boyfriend?!  Would you like to know how this happened?  Good, I'll tell you, but only the condensed version.  I did not meet him online.  I did not meet him at the grocery store.  I did not meet him through a mutual friend.  It turns out, he was under my nose the whole time.  Or, as Bestie Jr. put it (here edited for content... hahaha), "He was under your nose like the stache under his nose."  Bestie's husband likes to rub in the fact that long ago, he told me I would find someone right under my nose, but I told him he was wrong.  And I believed it.  Turns out, I was wrong (Get your fill of those words now, Bestie's husband, because I won't say them very often-- not to you anyway).

It turns out that I was friends with a great guy, and that over the past few years I've had the opportunity to serve with him in ministry and get to know his character and laugh at his insanity.  Apparently, we were on each other's radar for basically as long as we've known each other.  Which to me, is really funny.  Who knew?  Certainly not me.

I don't really know how it happened, it just did.  At some point we started facebook bantering, which some people claim was flirting and I claim it was NOT.  At least not at first, anyway.  Regardless, it was fun.  And then I think I texted him (I know, can you believe it?)-- but only to make fun of his mustache.  Maybe it was the stache that brought us together because then we started texting often, then every night, then all day every day.  And then he asked me out and we began dating on the sly, until we made it "official" on Sunday night.  It's real now, but only because facebook says it is... just kidding.

Let me just say that through this whole process, I have wanted to blog so badly.  I have had to learn so many lessons I never expected to learn.  I thought I had a handle on this whole "trusting God" thing.  Turns out I was so wrong.  But I'll get into that another time.  I'll get into my struggle with fear and trust and all of those goodies that I've never experienced in this way before.

So now begins an adventure.  I have never done this before, ever.  I will make a lot of mistakes.  I have no idea what to expect.  I know I will fight my own fears again and again.  But I'm excited.  I'm still a little shocked that this is happening-- and that the Lord has answered prayers I've had for a long time.  I always wanted a relationship that grew from friendship.  Check.  I always wanted a relationship with someone with whom I served in ministry.  Check.  I always wanted a relationship with someone who loved the Lord more than anything else.  Check.  I always wanted a relationship with someone who could make me laugh a lot.  Check.  Actually, I could check off a lot of things on my checklist.

What encourages me more than anything is the fact that I know I didn't seek this out.  The Lord brought us together somehow, and whatever he has for us will be good for us and glorifying for Him.  I'll keep you posted... because even if I'm no longer single, I still have single girl issues that will be working themselves out in this relationship.  Fortunately, BF (henceforth he will be called) is patient with me.  Which is another thing on my checklist.  Check.