August 22, 2011

Over Three Months Ago Feels Like Over the Rainbow...

For shame.  For a dirty, dirty shame.  To think that I have neglected my once dear friend Blogger for over three whole months!  What have I been doing, you may ask?  Oh, nothing... just a little bit of Israel, Chicago, wedding planning, Mom visits, curriculum planning, and house hunting.

And I think there are some lessons I'm learning, too.  At school, I seem to be learning that I am truly a broken vessel.  I'm handmade, but easily broken and quite fragile.  And the funny thing is, God somehow puts those broken pieces together and makes something useful out of something worthless.  He uses this broken vessel to fulfill his purposes, in some miraculous way.  See, I was pretty burnt out after last year.  And yet I received an email from a random student who needed help and prayer.  And they turned to me.  Not because of anything I had done, certainly, but definitely because of what God had done through me somehow, without my knowledge.  Amazing how God can even use broken things.  It makes me think of 1 Corinthians, when we're told that God chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise, etc., so that no one can boast before God.

Consider me humbled.  For now.  I'm sure I'll have to learn this again.

And as HTB and I make our way backwards through the Psalms as a countdown to our wedding, I have discovered another lesson God is trying to teach me.  I found myself in tears several times lately because of the stress of the following things:

1.  house hunting: should we buy now?  Should we buy a starter house?  What if we miss the buyer's window and it starts going up again?  Should we rent?  How much can we afford?  Can we commit to a 30 year mortgage?  How big should it be?  Should we get a fixer-upper?
2.  wedding planning: why is everything so freaking expensive?  When will I have time to plan this?  Will everything come together?  What if I forget something?  Will it be pretty?  Will people have a good time?
3.  debt paying/budget planning: how long before we're debt-free?  Will we have enough money to save and pay off debts?  Will we have enough money period?  How will we ever afford to have kids?  How can we make more money and still stay sane?
4.  thinking about kids: when should we plan to have them?  What if I'm too old when that happens?  What if we can't afford it?  Should we wait until we're debt-free?

This is a lot to think about.  Yet as we read backwards through the Psalms, there are two recurring themes: Praise the Lord, and God can be trusted to meet our needs.  I think the two must go hand-in-hand.  You do one, you naturally do the other.  So my goal is to keep handing all those worries over to God, who certainly knows about them and has a perfect plan, and that includes meeting our needs.  And in the process, I am trying to Praise the Lord in all things. 

That's a little hard when I'm really tired at 6 a.m. or I get a bill from the doctor, but there is simply no other choice.  If we as people failed to praise the Lord, the rocks themselves would cry out in praise.  So, with the hopes of avoiding creepy singing rocks, I will praise.

Here's hoping I'm back on the blogging wagon. :)