Without trying, the marrieds have separated themselves. They do not intend to exclude, nor do they wish ill-will on us, the single. However, it remains that the marrieds talk about married things. They're buying houses. They're buying furniture. They're having children. They're making decisions. They're laying foundations. This is the stuff of their lives, stuff about which I'm unaware. I'm living month-to-month in my rented apartment. I have no idea where I'll be in a year. I have neither tie nor foundation.
Trying to overcome this disconnection is an endeavor; as a single you are not the priority. Their spouse is, as it should be. After regular responsibilities and spousal accomodations, whatever time is left may or may not be used to catch up with single friends, and when they do catch up, there's that whole I'm-in-a-different-phase-of-my-life-than-you obstacle to overcome. You have to struggle to imagine the minutae of marital bliss, and they have to struggle to remember the idiosyncracies of singleness.
With my closest married friends, this isn't as big of an issue. We make the effort to regularly spend time together, with and without the spouse. We were friends before the spouse and we'll be friends for years to come. Yet I notice it even so. I don't know if marrieds are as aware-- I doubt it. I think they have their own disconnect with other marrieds. But when I am out with my married friends and I find myself as the only single, I feel a palatable separation that is, while unintentional, completely difficult to handle at times.
Mostly I choose to ignore it and move on. What can be done? If I'm doing my best to love them and spend time together, and the disconnection remains, what can be done? This is a question for which I have no answer.
I'm not sure there is an answer. This disconnection shouldn't be an excuse to spend time with only singles, or to shun marrieds, or to wallow in self-pity. I think this gulf between married and single is natural and normal, but I didn't anticipate it. It's probably something I'll get used to over time. The gulf will probably grow over time when children are added.
But what this disconnect has reminded me is that I can be comforted in the fact that Jesus Christ has bridged the gulf of sin between me and God. The mild separation I experience between my married friends and me is painful, but nothing in comparison with what those without Christ must experience. I will be forever thankful to my Savior for giving himself for me to give me that relationship with God. No matter how disconnected I may feel from my married friends, I am promised that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ.
