I am a fat girl.
I am not really a fat girl; I am an average girl... but only just. When a girl has been fat her whole life, it's hard for her to think of herself otherwise. I grew up thinking I was big-boned. It was not unrealistic to think so; after all, I'd always been overweight and tall, and come from "good stock" on my dad's side. Turns out though, I'm not big-boned. I'm normal-boned, and tall. Turns out I have collar bones. Turns out I have cheekbones. Who knew? At any rate, I lost 30 pounds. I had been the same size for about 10 years. And now I'm thinner than I was in middle school. That's a good thing-- I'm healthy, I feel good, I look good. But I am a fat girl.
Most fat girls, no matter how self-confident they are, are insecure. We don't look like girls in the magazines, guys don't look our way, and we get looks of disdain when when we order whatever we want at a restaurant. We are used to and fear rejection. We assume guys won't be interested in us and we'll be the perpetual friend and maybe never the girlfriend. We can't walk into any store we want and wear something cute and stylish. We don't turn heads. When that's the life you're used to, it's not easy to make an adjustment.
I'm a fat girl because I still feel insecure. I feel guilty for ordering what I want at restaurants. I assume guys won't be interested in me and I'll be the perpetual friend and maybe never the girlfriend. I forget that I can walk into any store I want and wear something cute and stylish. Though my outside has changed, my inside remains.
And my question remains: how does a now-thinner fat girl stop being a fat girl?
Apparently, it doesn't matter to my psyche that I have always had the same intelligence, sense of humor, and friendliness. The fat girl thing just kind of consumes, because like it or not, our world has a hard time seeing past the fat to the treasure. And so now that the fat (or much of it) is gone... how evident is the treasure?
fat picture/thinner picture
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