Baldy and My Weird Crush Habit...

There is a man who works at my favorite pizza place here in Florida. He doesn't just work there; he twirls and swirls pizza dough and creates the most wonderful New-York style pizza in a tiny little pizzeria with faux brick on the walls and a big TV that plays silly movies.

I don't know this man's name, but I have a little crush on him. He's got this mysterious air about him... and also a delightful Italian accent. He's really good-looking... and completely, totally bald. Not because he has no hair, but because he wants to be bald. And so I've taken to calling him "Baldy." I know nothing about Baldy. I don't know what he believes, what makes him laugh, what his story is. Because of this, I don't really have a crush on Baldy... I know I would never really date him.

But that doesn't stop the fact that when I go to this pizzeria, I can't seem to look at him. I can't talk to him. I can barely function, and in fact, I have been known to run into tables and blush furiously (yeah, I'm that smooth).

While discussing this humorous and ridiculous crush on Baldy, I discovered yet another peril that may be unique to me, or may be unique to long-time-single women. Because my heart is so guarded, and because I'm a little more than terrified at the thought of actually getting married (despite my desire to do so), my best friend pointed out the fact that I often develop crushes on guys with whom I would never realistically develop a relationship. That way, I can separate myself, keep my distance, while still admiring from afar.

Pathetic, I realized, but true. I thought about this one guy from college. I don't even know how I discovered his name, but I thought he was just the cutest thing ever. He had boyish good looks and an adorable smile. We had one class together, and he sat all the way across the room. I think he spoke to me once, and I almost swallowed my tongue. He was also a deskworker in my dorm building, and that fact created my funniest memory of my ridiculous and unattainable crush. One evening, a few of my friends and myself had gone down to the first floor to get some pop, or something like that, at an idiotically late hour of the night. While one went to the deskworker (of course this was the deskworker) to get change, I was suddenly overcome with a horrible "something-in-my-eye" syndrome. Seriously, it hurt so bad. Instead of finding something witty or clever to say to the deskworker, I was shouting to one of my friends, "There's something in my eye! OW! There's something in my eye! Can you see it?! OW!" Again, smooth. If I could barely look at him before, there was no way I could look at him now. And not just because there was something in my eye.

This seems to illustrate fairly well my problem of crushing on the unattainable. They are usually guys who might be considered "out of my league." Perhaps it's my way of avoiding rejection (by never ever letting them know of my crush). Perhaps it's a playing-out of a formerly low self-esteem (because I assume I'd never be with someone so good-looking, or funny, or... whatever).

Regardless, I wonder if this tendency of mine is unique to me, or if other young women crush on those they'll never have, simply because it's safe? I'll probably never speak to Baldy besides, "I'll have an 18" cheese pizza," and, "thank you." I'll probably continue to crush on distanced, handsome, mysterious gentlemen (maybe it's a Mr. Darcy thing?)... until one day when I develop a permanent crush. Then Baldy will fade into the background. But until then, "I'll have an 18" cheese pizza, please." *hands touch while giving credit card* *face reddens* "Thank you." *sigh.*