Save the Hero...

I'd like you to read the following lyrics to "Save the Hero," by Beyonce.  THEN I will give you my two cents worth of information (alright, by now you know my verbosity will probably give you two dollars worth of information).

"I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I’m not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I’m left with no shoulder
But everybody wants to lean on me.
I guess I’m their soldier.
Well, who’s gonna be mine

Who’s there to save the hero
When she’s left all alone
And she’s crying out for help.
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the girl…
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.

I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess I’m living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say you’re beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold.

Who’s there to save the hero
When she’s left all alone
And she’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the girl
After she saves the world…
After she saves the world.

I’ve given too much of myself
And now it’s driving me crazy
(I’m crying out for help?
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me…
Save me from myself

Who’s there to save the hero
When she’s left all alone
And she’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the girl
After she saves the world…
After she saves the world."

 The first time I really listened to this song, it resonated deep within me.  Of course, I don't see myself as a hero of any kind, but the lyrics so accurately portray the loneliness of singleness that it gave me pause.  And then I realized, I don't have the luxury of thinking this way anymore.

This song is the way old Amanda used to think.  Self-pitying Amanda would ask herself whose shoulder she could lean on after being the soldier for so many.  It's easy to feel this way, and easy to stay thinking this way.  I'd even go so far as to say it feels good, in a backwards, self-indulgent kind of way of one who takes a twisted pride in her plights.

And then I became aware of how self-pitying and selfish these thoughts were; with that realization, I lost the "luxury" of wallowing in self-pity.  Now I simply know this kind of thinking is not right, and I immediately have to cut off those thoughts when they begin.  You think I exaggerate?  No indeed.  The moment I start thinking, Poor me, I'm all alone.  Whom can I lean on?  Where's my hero?  I have no one.  I'm alone, I literally tell myself to shut up, because when I coddle myself and tell myself those thoughts are okay, I allow myself to travel down a road that no one should go down, a road well-traveled by singles throughout the years.

So, this song resonates deeply with my old self and my tendencies today.  This song is accurate, but not the whole picture.  I think it accurately describes the feelings of many strong, single women... yet when it asks who will save the girl after she saves the world, it doesn't take into consideration the One who has saved me and completed me, the One who is my Rock and Fortress, and ever-present Help in times of trouble.  The One who never leaves me or forsakes me.  The One for whom I live and breathe is more than enough, and I am thankful to say that this song no longer accurately portrays my day-to-day life.  Though I struggle, my thinking has changed.  To God be the glory.