Move Over, Prince Charming...

Once upon a time, there was a young girl/woman who read Christian romantic fiction.  Led into delusion by poor writing and tacky storytelling, she came to believe that there were men who were paragons of virtuous manliness, handsome beyond compare with chiseled features and luxurious hair, brave warriors... and they were sensitive and knew exactly how to bare their soul in the choicest of words and most sensational turns of phrase.

And then I went to college and realized the myth that is the Christian romantic fiction hero.  I truly have a bone to pick with these writers-- why help young women (or old women, for that matter) fill their minds with expectations that will never be met, making us vulnerable to discontentment?  Regardless of how I now feel about Christian romantic fiction (that's a soap box for another time), it caused me at one point to develop a running list of characteristics I'd like in a future husband.

In the back of my old flowered journal that began eight years ago with the beginning of college, this list is a reminder to me of my youth and my ignorance.  Of course there were sensible things on the list, but here is an example of how detailed my list had become:

34.  Likes pets.
45.  A great storyteller.
64.  Gives bear hugs.

I know, I know.  I'm laughing even as I type.  And yes, there were 71 items on this list.  71.  I was setting myself up for disappointment.  I suppose the list became more of a list of things I appreciate in a man, not necessarily characteristics my future spouse must have.  But my list was a description of Prince Charming.  Yuck.  Who wants a perfect Prince Charming, anyway?  Not me.

If I was still expecting that list of 71 items to be met in one person, I would be concerned for me.  But as God has molded me and shaped me and changed my thinking, he's peppered a bit of reality into my list.  It's funny, because as I was talking to my dear friend over Chick-fil-A in the mall about a month ago, I realized that I'd pared that list down to one thing.  One very important, all-inclusive, umbrella thing:

1.  Is striving to love the Lord more than anything else in this life.

I mean, obviously I have personal preferences.  Like, I would much rather marry someone who makes me laugh than someone who is always serious, and I would much rather marry someone who can carry a conversation than someone who is quiet.  But when I think of what really matters, this is it.  Everything else that truly matters in a spouse trickles down from this.  If I hope he'll be respectful, humble, a good steward, and a servant, these things will naturally occur in a life that is focused on loving the Lord.  That is the one characteristic I am looking for.

And let it be known, I'm also not expecting to find a man my age who has the spiritual maturity of a John MacArthur, either.  I expect that we will learn and grow in the Lord together, and that's part of the partnership adventure.  I think the key word in that one characteristic is striving.  That implies someone who is teachable and zealous, who will make mistakes but learn from them and grow from them.  And it's my hope that this man will be looking for the same one characteristic in his future wife.  Because then our relationship will be built on the one thing that lasts-- not bear hugs, not stories, not pets, but the Lord.

I am confident that God will bless that, and as a reward for my long wait, will not only provide me with a husband who is striving to love the Lord more than anything else in this life, but also a husband who gives pretty good bear hugs, tells good stories, and likes pets. :)