The Backup Plan...

I had an interesting conversation with Bestie the other day.  We were discussing backup plans.  She thought perhaps a girl we knew was sad because her backup plan was getting married.  Interesting, I thought.  She went on to tell me that she had had a backup plan years ago.  Really interesting.

"I don't think I've ever had a backup plan," I stated, a little shocked that I, Planning personified, had never had a backup plan.  And apparently I'm the one who needs one, as Bestie certainly didn't need hers.

See, a backup plan, for those of you who are male or uninformed, is that guy you have always known from way back-- the one who may or may not have had a crush on you, and you may or may not have had a crush on him.  In the back of your mind, he was always the backup in case you couldn't find somebody else-- he'd be decent marriage material.  Maybe he's not your ideal, but he'd be stable, friendly, and true.  And he'd be that peace of mind when your relationships failed, because you knew you wouldn't end up an old maid.  He's the backup plan.

But I didn't/don't have one of those.  Probably because I didn't have guy friends until high school, and even then they were always dating others, so I never really thought about them as potential.  And in college, there were several who had potential, but we were never close enough or... foolish enough to make that kind of pact.  I always wanted a backup plan, because in my twisted, rom-com mind I thought it would be romantic to make a spoken or unspoken pact with a guy friend that if you're not married by a certain age, you'd marry each other.  You know, like if My Best Friend's Wedding had turned out completely differently.  Suddenly you realize your backup plan is the one you've wanted all along.  How romantic.  *gag*

But now I realize, I don't want that at all.  It's settling for second best, and it kind of treats that guy like crap.  I'd rather have nothing if my other option is second best, I think.  I mean, how awkward to think, well, I didn't really want you, but you're all that's left, and I guess you're better than nothing at all.  And if it's more of a "we're best friends who love each other but not that way, and we've made a pact that if we're not married by thirty, we're getting married to each other" kind of pact, then why not just get married before you get to be thirty, since your minds are obviously inclined in that direction, and yes, you do love each other that way?  I don't know, just a thought. 

Don't get me wrong-- I'm not looking down on those who have had/ have backup plans.  Sometimes they're a little unconscious and that guy is just always in the back of your mind as a security blanket.  I get it.  I know Bestie wouldn't have ever really married her backup plan-- she's too wise for that.  And I probably would have made a mental backup plan if I had had that particular guy in my past to fall back on.  But since I didn't and don't, I won't.

I don't want a backup plan because I don't need one.  My life is the life God ordained for me-- not a second-best scenario that I'll need to settle for.  Whether or not my life includes a husband, that will be my life, plain and simple.  No backup plan needed.

Just remind me of this when I turn thirty, okay?