So I was
He may have just been acting neighborly, or he could have been doing something I just don't understand about guys. A girl knows the difference, and I believe he was doing something I just don't understand about guys, and that is this: getting the attention of a complete stranger in an I-want-to-pick-you-up kind of way. What irrational thoughts go through the brains of men to make them talk to/shout at/whistle at/make gestures at/touch a girl they've never seen before and will never see again in their life?
Do they feel they can't let the opportunity pass? Is it just sport-- "let's see how many women we can embarrass"? Do they honestly believe if they acknowledge this stranger, she will stop in her tracks, turn in slow motion as the music swells and run into his arms, never to part? How many hookups have started with a whistle? I would think more often than not, these outbursts end badly, or at least with the cold shoulder. And yet some men persist.
Let me share some stories to illustrate my point:
Scene: Gulf-to-Bay during rush hour, driving a middle school girl to youth group. I'm chilling in the turning lane when the car to my right honks. Assuming the passengers of that car need directions, I roll down my window and look past middle school girl at a middle aged man.
"You look preeeetty," he says in an accent, leering creepily through the window. I pursed my lips and rolled up the window. Really? What was the point?
Scene: Sitting in the back seat of Thor/Ladybug, a friend's red pickup in which I often hitch a ride. Windows are down, and I am enjoying the ride. A muscle car approaches to my left and the passenger turns my way and stares. We speed up. They speed up.
"Hey, girl!" I hear him shout above the roar of the engines, just before we speed up enough to lose them. Did he think I'd jump out of the truck and join him in his muscle car?
I could go on. You ladies know what I'm talking about. I mean, I appreciate a guy who is brave enough to start a conversation, but these outbursts are just... pointless. So my question to guys is (whether or not you've ever been guilty of this, you at least can understand the male psyche), WHY? Why do men do this? And do they really think anything will come of it? And ladies, do you have a trademark line or move to put these men in their place? I think I should have one. Not that this happens to me all the time, but when it does I would love to be prepared with something spitfire enough to inspire a little shame.
Because few things make my skin crawl like ogling creeps who verbalize their inanity.
AMEN!!! Someone said one time that the guy who tried to get me to talk to him at a red light in the DARK w/no one around (hello, movies are made about this! I will NOT be a statistic!) or the guy who tried to pick me up in Target..."you may have missed God's opportunity for you." Really?!??? Do I really want to be with someone who picks up girls at TARGET!?!!??? Classy!
ReplyDeleteWell I am just saying. Personally, I have been on the giving end of telling a woman Good Morning when it was in the afternoon. I was in a good mood and had lost track of my day. It was by no means a come on.
ReplyDeleteI realize that when guys are whistling or shouting or honking their horn, it is considered inappropriate, but maybe instead you should take time to think about what exactly it is that they are doing. Yes, they are drawing attention to themselves, mainly a bad thing, but they are doing this for one thing in particular. They feel that the woman they are paying attention to is attractive in their opinion. So while they fail miserably in trying to get your attention, at least understand it to be a compliment of sorts.
Lastly, I want to go on record saying that it happens the other way around as well. Plenty of times I have had women whistle or say something stupid to me as well. Again, although I have never pursued these women, I must admit, I do appreciate the compliments.
I mean, could it JUST have been "good morning"? There's nothing wrong with THAT. A simple "hi" and keep walking seemed to always work. For the other examples, less than desirable, even creepy. I do agree with last comment, this Wal-Mart incident was probably more a failed attempt to pay a compliment than a pick-up. Someone appreciated the attempt you made to not be on the white trash list!
ReplyDeleteI'll attempt a comment (probably to my own peril). First, it is stupid. Second, as a husband and now father to a girl, I am not impressed by this sort of thing either.
ReplyDeleteI must be honest and admit that once upon a time (when I had more hair on top of my head, and less upon my chin), I was guilty of this sort of thing. In one sense, it is a harmless (albeit juvenile) attempt to pay a compliment. To a degree, there is a societal conditioning at work. Ladies dress to impress, and men believe that women want to know when we appreciate their efforts. And, in our youth, I must admit that there is some irrational belief at work that she will be so appreciative of our appreciation that a conversation leading to coffee leading to a date may occur. In our sane moments, we might admit that this is a stretch, but feel we must press on.
This brings me to my next set of possibilities. It may have never been about you... On some level, a nervous little weirdo might be proving his own machiesmo to himself. Sorry if you got caught in the crossfire.
Thirdly, there are some nefarious sorts out there looking for a target. How to tell the difference? For starters, ladies please do not roll down your window for a stranger at a red light. Another hint, be alert to your surroundings and always leave room for yourself to go around someone at a red light (don't pull up to close to someone at a light... they turn off their car and get out and you are stuck). Be willing to drive over curbs, or run a red light (when it's clear) if someone is acting creepy and suspicious. Better safe than sorry... and if it attracts the attention of the police, so much the better.
Also, have you considered how flattered you would be if it was a Brad Pitt type instead of Cletis the goat farmer? Be careful of that, too. Bad guys don't always have buck teeth and smell of old cheese.
Finally, I am so glad that I am beyond all of the gender tension and sophomoric angling of my pre-marriage days. This is not a face-smear to the singles out there, but rather a genuine thankfulness to God for the peace that comes from having a major life decision settled. And, a true appreciation for my lovely wife who took a chance on a weird guy who whistled at her in the mall one day 10 years ago.
(No not really).
I know that some guys may just be paying compliments, but many girls have been burned too many times by disrespectful guys, so we tend to be a little suspicious.
ReplyDeleteJason, I appreciate your protective attitude-- there are many of us girls who forget that kind of practical stuff.